What Did I Decide?

So, last week I told you I had made a decision.  I thought I would share that decision with you today.

I quit my job.

And I have no other job to go to.

Crazy?  Irresponsible?

Maybe to some people, but not to me.

God has been growing me tremendously this year and part of what He has taught me is that I cannot compromise my own morals and values.

I don't mean to imply that financial planning services are not in line with God's desire for His people.  I believe these kinds of services are actually very beneficial.  However, my working for a man whose values and beliefs are not in line with mine are very detrimental to my own.

The amount of peace I have about this is incredible to me.  I am normally a worry-wart; wondering how I'm going to pay this bill and that.

I'm not worried this time.

Incredible!

I know that I will go back to work.  What it will be, I don't know.  But I am trusting God to put me in just the right place and in the meantime provide for my family's needs.

What an incredible adventure I am embarking on.

Keep me in your prayers; especially so I don't panic and take the reigns back from Him!

Have a blessed week everyone.

Rejection, Acceptance, Revelation

When I was a little girl, my grandfather died.  I remember waking up one morning and finding my mother laying on the couch, crying.  Not the normal place for me to find her upon waking each morning.  I was confused and walked into the kitchen, where I found my father sitting at the table.  He was in his normal, assigned seat.  I don’t know about you all, but in my family we all had our regular place at the table.  I always sat between my mother and my brother.  I sat across the table from my other two sisters.  My big, middle sister and I always had lovely faces for each other at dinner time, usually involving food in our mouths.  But that’s a story for another time.

On this particular morning, my dad was alone at the table.  In my confusion and worry about my mother, I sat in my big brother’s chair, next to my dad.  I didn’t understand what had caused my mother to cry and it scared me.  So I sat down next to my dad and asked what was wrong.  My dad told me, simply, that my grandfather had died and that my mother was very upset about it.  I was old enough to understand death and what that meant and the tears began to flow.  Then the sobs began.  And what came next shook my very soul.

My father, the man who provided for me and protected me, told me to stop crying and get ready for school.  He promptly went back to his breakfast and his newspaper and I was left all alone in my grief.  No consolation, no hug.  Just the message that my emotion was not acceptable and that comfort would not be forthcoming from him; I was left alone to console myself.  I had been rejected.  It was the first of many rejections as I was growing up.

I walked out of the kitchen and past my grieving mother.  She was alone on that couch and I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t dare to.  I was just told that crying wasn’t okay and that crying didn’t warrant comfort.  I honestly didn’t know that to do, so I did nothing.

I can look back now and understand that my father simply didn’t know what to do with my emotions that day.  They made him very uncomfortable.  He had not been equipped to deal with them by his own parents and so when confronted with them by his own children, he did what he had been taught.

I was talking with someone the other day and remarking on how our relationship with our earthly father is often reflected onto our Heavenly Father.  And that is just so unfair.

In my particular situation, I had been taught by my earthly father, and had come to believe, that my behavior and emotions dictated whether or not I was acceptable.  If I behaved in a way that was comfortable for him, I was acceptable.  If my emotions or behavior entered any area that caused discomfort for him, I was rejected.  And because my spirit was in great need of expressing emotion, the pain of rejection ran deep.  It has skewed every relationship I have ever had; most especially my relationship with God.

And that is what is so unfair; I have assumed that my Heavenly Father would treat me the same way my earthly father did.  I have assumed that I would need to behave in a certain way and suppress my emotions in order to be accepted…and loved…by God.

But this is wrong, it is just not true.

God does not reject, He accepts.  Therefore, rejection is not of God; acceptance is.

If you have found yourself in a situation like mine, I am here to tell you that you are loved by God.  You are acceptable and beautiful to Him.  How could you not be?  You are His creation, wonderfully and perfectly made by Him.  And He loved you more than any human possibly could; He gave His only Son up to death for you.

Your emotion is okay, whether it’s tears, anger or crazy joy.  Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you may have and move through it.  It’s not until you move through the emotion that you can get to the other side of it and move beyond it.  Cry and release the pain; be angry and then forgive; laugh in your crazy joy, then rest in great peace.

And have a beautiful day, knowing you are loved with the greatest love ever known.

Monday Musing

What is on my mind today?

Hurricanes, tornadoes, floods…disasters abounding.

And the storms of life.

I live in the Northeast and our most recent pending disaster was the great Irene.

There was much hype about Irene, and for the more southern states the hype was appropriate. However, here in Maine it was for naught. Yes, we had rain and we had wind and there are some people without power, but this is nothing that we Mainers don’t normally endure during a typical winter snow storm.

With all the anticipation and preparedness that went on and then having it end up being not much of anything, it has made me think about all the other “storms” we encounter in life.

How often do we anticipate the worst? How often do we imagine what “could” happen?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you have limited information and then let your mind and imagination take over? If you say no, then you are lying to yourself. We have all been there; it’s part of our human and imperfect nature.

We worry.

We worry that the life or environment we have created for ourselves or our loved ones will be threatened or possibly demolished.

Think of a hurricane warning. We are told what could possibly happen if hurricane-force wind or rain develop in our area. We begin to anticipate the worst and we begin to worry. We take every precautionary step to protect what is ours. We huddle inside our protective walls and wait for the storm to pass and pray that we make it out unscathed. All well and good when you are dealing with the forces of nature.

Never mind that history and experience has proven that the area you live in rarely deals with such forces of nature. And that the worry and extended precautions you have taken just aren’t necessary.

Yes, experience does and should play a part in how you handle situations. If you live in an area that consistently experiences hurricanes, then precautions should be undertaken. But because of previous experience, worry shouldn’t be a factor. You know what to expect and you know what to do, so you do it.

I think worry enters our lives when we don’t understand or don’t know.

Jesus specifically addressed worry in Matthew 6. In these passages, He is speaking directly about material needs. However, He ends it by saying:

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I believe He is saying here to live in the moment; take care of the moment; do not anticipate and worry about what is next.

He talks further about worry in Matthew 13:

"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.”

He references “worry” as being of the world in this verse and then in the very next verse compares it to someone who hears the word and understands it.

"And the one on whom seed was sown on the good soil, this is the man who hears the word and understands it; who indeed bears fruit and brings forth, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty."

Worry does not bear fruit, it actually chokes the word.

Do a word search of “worry” and see how we are told NOT to worry. God does not want us to live this way.

Don’t worry about what is going to happen next, don’t worry about what you don’t understand; simply don’t worry!

Can you imagine the peace we would have if we simply trusted God and took Him at His word?

I had a small discussion about this with my son on Sunday. We were watching Charles Stanley who was talking about tithing. I love Charles Stanley, he teaches directly from the word and not his own opinion.

My son had questions about tithing and I did my best to help him understand and referred him to Malachi 3.10. It’s the one place where God actually tells us to test Him. It got down to the fact that we need to trust God when He says something.

That can be a hard thing. But trust is developed when we develop our relationship with God, just like we do with others in our life. Once trust is there, we don’t need to worry.

And once we stop worrying, we will stop anticipating the worst. And when we stop anticipating the worst, the storms of our lives will not seem so overwhelming.