Great Expectations

This topic has been on my mind for over a week now and I’ve been wanting to blog about it.  Interestingly, a couple of friends have brought up the issue as well; it appears to be on more than just my mind.

Let me back-track a bit.  Many years ago, I was learning the study method used by Kay Arthur.  It’s called “Inductive Bible Study” and the method can be found here.  I no longer use this method, but at the time I found it very helpful as I was going through a growth spurt in my walk with God.  The setting was an organized, women’s bible study held at the church I was attending.  The pastor’s wife was teaching this method and the bible passage she asked us to look at was in Luke 24.1-8.  After studying the passage, we were asked to share what we had learned.  Part of the reasoning behind this method is that it allows us to personalize God’s word to our lives and where we are at that particular time.

At this particular point in my life, my expectations were out of wack.  That’s the best way I can put it.  My expectations were unrealistic and very “me” centered.  So when I read this passage, what stood out to me was that the women had come prepared and were expecting to properly anoint Jesus’ body as was the custom at that time.  But what they expected to happen, did not.  In fact, their expectations were completely blown out of the water!  Jesus had other plans for them that day and their reaction was confusion and fear.  It wasn’t until after the angels explained what had happened that they realized that their expectations were wrong.

This was a pivoting point for me in my life.  Ever since, it has made me look at my own expectations.  First, I began to look at my expectations of others and more recently, my expectations of myself.

So, just what do expectations look like?  First, it’s important to understand that expectations are borne out of a want or need.   Sometimes, these wants or needs are stated by others.  For example, a potential employer will state what he/she needs from you when you are interviewing.  These are their expectations of you as an employee.  This is a wonderful thing, because you are able to decide if you are able to meet those expectations and have the option to decline the job.  There is no disappointment on either side.

But that’s not always the case in life.  Often, others have wants and/or needs from us.  These develop into expectations; expectations that those wants/needs will be fulfilled by us.  The problem is, these wants/needs/expectations haven’t been verbalized and disappointment sets in when they aren’t met.    The person with the expectation is hurt.   I want you to also realize that we do the same thing to others….expecting them to fulfill our wants and needs without voicing them.  And then we are the ones to be disappointed.

What’s even worse is when we have expectations of ourselves that are completely unrealistic.  Often, these expectations come from society.  I remember when my son was first born,  being a mother was so much simpler.  Fast forward 26 years and the expectations of motherhood by others and even ourselves is unrealistic.  Mothers are expected to be everything to their families;  from doing the laundry to bringing in a paycheck, all while carting kids to their various (and sometimes ridiculous schedule of) after school activities.  The SuperMom phrase isn’t far off….you’d have to have superhuman powers to perform the way society expects you to.

There are unrealistic expectations to be found in the Church too.  Many of us would call it legalism, some have called it performance-based salvation.    I think the Church is where the worst case of expectation is to be found, both from others and from ourselves.  Such a burden, one not meant to be put on our shoulders.

I have learned over the years to lower my expectations of others.  Not because I don’t think they can live up to them, but because I don’t think they need to live up to them.  I’ve also come to understand that God doesn’t have all these crazy expectations of me, so why should I have those same expectations of others or even myself?

Letting go of expectations is an act of love.  Listen, God loves you.  He has no expectations of you.  He simply asks that you love Him with all your heart, soul & mind….and to love others as yourself.  So today, love God, love others and learn to love yourself.  Have no expectations from anyone.   And rest in Jesus’ yoke, it is not a burden.