Meltdown

If you can’t stand whiney people, then stop reading and go away; if you have never experienced the need to whine then you are perfect and would have no sympathy anyways. (Now picture me sticking out my tongue at you and doing that raspberry noise.)

Plus, this is a really long post. So get comfortable.

I had a meltdown this weekend. Actually, I don’t think it has ended yet. It was a good, old fashioned melt-down with swearing and throwing of things. I felt like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Now I know why they do that, it feels so good to let all that frustration out!

Now comes they whiney part.

I do a lot for my family. I work full-time. When I am not working, I make sure the bills are paid on time; I make the grocery list and buy the groceries. I am the only person in the house who can make a complete dinner. If there is cleaning to be done, (apparently) I am the one responsible for it. I schedule doctor’s visits and provide medication when needed. If something breaks, I am the only one who can fix it. I buy presents, I plan parties, and I make sure kiddos have the things they need for school projects. I make lunches, I buy clothes. I color hair and trim hair, or I make appointments and take them to the hairdressers. I play taxi-driver and mediator of fights. I baby-sit my grandchild. I make large Sunday dinners for my family and end up cleaning up afterwards because only my husband is willing to jump up and clean up while everyone else heads into the living room to watch TV or play video games. (Wait, I have to stop and recognize that my daughter-in-law has now started to help with the clean up and even the table setting.) I walk to work when my daughter wants to use the car and wait for someone to come pick me up at the end of the day. (Can you hear the whining really gearing up here?)

Which brings me to this Saturday. Every Saturday since my daughter has started working, she has taken my car (and I have let her) to work. I have let her take my car to work and to school whenever we thought it was convenient….for her. It has never been convenient for me, but it was also not convenient for me to have to leave work to go get her at school on half days. My days off, though, are another story. It has always been very inconvenient for me to let her have the car on the weekend. I used to do my grocery shopping on Saturday mornings, I now have to wait and do it later when the stores are much busier or have hubby drive me around in his truck (which is a post for another day…let’s just say his driving skills leave much to be desired). She has made no gesture to show me that she truly appreciates that I do this for her. I think she believes she is entitled to this.

In the past couple of weeks, my daughter has driven my car more than I have. Now, keep in mind that she doesn’t put nearly the amount of gas in that car that her father does; she pays only $50 a month towards an almost $200 a month insurance bill (for that car alone, not including the truck); and she pays nothing towards the car payment. The car is recently new-to-us and I can already see the results of her driving. She is very hard on it, she drives it too fast and steps on the brakes way to hard. An experienced driver can tell this…although she doesn’t believe that.

So on Saturday, facing a complete day without the car because she had 3 shifts with only 1.5 hours of free time between them, not being able to go do some yard-sales, not being able to go buy my flowers where I wanted to, not being able to get my grocery shopping done and faced with cleaning an entire house by myself, yet again, I blew a gasket. Please understand something; I have arthritis in my neck, which has caused a bone spur to develop on C5-C6 of my vertebrae. This bone spur, when aggravated, causes nerve pinching that can be painful and then cause my arm and hands to tingle and throb (and forget about being able to hold on to things after that!). Vacuuming the entire downstairs of my home, hauling the vacuuming up the stairs as I vacuum those and then vacuuming upstairs can really aggravate it. Add to that the need to occasionally wash my floors (which should really be done once a week, but forget that) and we’re talking some serious pain. Everybody in my house knows I have this problem, but they can’t lift a finger to help me in this area.

I had a meltdown on Saturday. I completely forgot about the post I had made the day before. I forgot to ask God for the strength I needed. I forgot that I was the parent in charge. That is, until the next day. We had plans to go pick out a camping spot. Although daughter was supposed to work that day, she was going to switch with someone so the day would be free. We needed to drive an hour, one way, to the camping site. The truck would not make it. When we got up the next morning, we discovered that daughter hadn’t bothered to switch with anyone. I’d had enough. I informed her she needed to find her own way to work and back, that we were taking the car. I don’t know how she got there or got back, because she is not talking to me.

I don’t really care.

Ok, my whining is done for now.

For those who stuck it out and listened to my entire post, thank you for allowing me to vomit all over you. Thank you for understanding that I am a real person, not some super-spiritual Christian who has already been perfected and is just sitting here waiting for Jesus to come back and get me. I’m a real person, with real problems and real needs….just like you.

May God strengthen us all to face the daily trials that we face, especially the ones we bring upon ourselves. May we never forget that He is right there beside us to help us along the way. May we never forget that our Lord & Savior suffered far more than we will have to. And may we forever be thankful that He listens to us whine and loves us anyways.

Blessings!