“How important is it for a woman to know whether a man appreciates her, her beauty and body by love or by lust? Love celebrates all that she is, commits with a singular and absolute fidelity, ardently protects her honor, and sacrifices all for her prized love; she has found an everlasting lover. Lust consumes a woman with vulgar eyes, a cretan's touch, and eventually discards her as a conquered, common tramp; she has cast her pearl before swine.”
A friend asked this question (and offered the subsequent comments) recently on their facebook page. I wanted to answer, but didn’t think I could in a simple facebook-type response. So I wanted to offer my thoughts on this subject here, on my blog, so I could share it with anyone else who may need (or want) to hear it. I offer it because I have been a woman whose self-worth and resulting self-confidence, has suffered greatly due to twisted, ugly and very wrong messages that she received over many, many years.
Let me answer the first part of the question by saying it is VERY important that a woman knows a man appreciates her; more specifically, the man she’s given her heart to. For some reason, our self-worth depends on believing that the man we’ve chosen to spend the rest of our life with does indeed appreciate us. And we need to see that appreciation expressed. That expression can come in various forms and really is specific to individual needs. Those needs rise from the ones that were never filled.
Basically, though, it gets down to the fact that the fairy tales we heard as little girls, the ones where our prince comes and rescues us, are indeed true. We DO need someone to rescue us, someone to protect us and our honor. Someone who will provide for us and keep us safe; and someone who will think we are utterly amazing and want to dance with us, hold us, and never leave us. Hopefully, a little girl finds that prince in her dad, who becomes the example of the man she will seek in her adult life.
Sadly, that’s not always the case. That little girl may see the fairy tales on the screen, long for them to be true, but life proves otherwise. She is left to fend for herself and she learns that in order to get the attention and acceptance she so longs for, she must behave in a certain way. The problem is, she has set the bar too low for the quality of attention and acceptance she is willing to accept. Eh, it’s better than none right?
So, she may accept the “lust” description above as acceptable, maybe even desirable. She has no idea of her worth and beauty; a beauty that has nothing to do with her appearance, but with her very soul. How she got to this point in her life may be different than what I’ve described above, as we all have our stories and life experiences, but all of the experiences lead to this one place….the belief that she is not worthy nor accepted. The “love” described above is so foreign to her; it is nothing but a fairy tale made up by someone with a great imagination.
The man who finds this woman has been given a great gift from God; and a great challenge. He will need to meet this woman right where she is, just as God meets us right where we are. He will have to show her the true beauty that lives within her and he must do it with a very gentle hand. Because she is very fragile. He must be patient with her, just as God is with us and accept her as she is….just as God does. He must do this because he sees her worth and her beauty more than she does and he wants her to believe it….because HE believes it. When she understands and sees that he believes it, she will begin to believe it.
It’s not unlike our relationship with God. God believes we are worthy and beautiful and acceptable. It’s us who doesn’t believe that. This world has torn us down and left us with the belief that we must behave in a certain way to be acceptable and viewed as worthy. But I give you something to think about; God created each one of us, with unique gifts and abilities and personalities…who are we to say that He goofed up. He accepts us, because He created us and He likes us just the way we are. Are any of us perfect? NOPE! That’s why He sent Jesus Christ to this fallen world.
Jesus is our fairy tale prince. He has rescued us and continues to protect us and He KNOWS we are worthy and beautiful and acceptable. Believe it. Live it.
And you men out there, be our example of Christ here on earth, be our fairy tale prince. We need you!
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